100 Tips for Nannies and Families

You have three children.  It is a given that all of them are special to you, each in their own unique way.  Or is it?  Do your children know that you love them for their own unique natures?  Or do your children feel grouped in “the children” . . . not being (or valued for being) an individual?

One way to ensure that your children know that they are acknowledged and loved for being unique individuals is to allow them “date” nights with their parent(s).  For example, let’s assume that your three children are John (8 years old), Jane (6 years old), and Jill (3 years old).  You have set one “date” night each month with each of your children.  On these nights, your children get to request what they would like to do on their special time with you.  On John’s “date” night, while Jane and Jill are with their babysitter, you and John go to the restaurant of his choice and then to the new-release Disney movie at the theatre.  On Jane’s “date” night, while John and Jill are with their babysitter, you and Jane have a picnic in the park and play on the playground equipment until dark, after which time you head for ice cream and a leisurely chat in the ice cream shop.  On Jill’s “date” night, while John and Jane are with their babysitter, you and Jill go for fast food and then go home to play dolls (uninterrupted by the rest of the family).

If yours is a two-parent household, you will need to decide if “date” nights involve both parents simultaneously, or if “date” nights alternate between “dates” with mom and “dates” with dad.  In the example above, “date” nights involve both parents simultaneously.

The frequency of “date” nights vary by household:  in the example above, “date” nights occur once per month for each of the three children, so the parents have three child “dates” monthly.

“Date” nights should be planned in advance so that the children can develop anticipation.  If a family calendar is displayed where the children can see it, marking “date” nights in bold colors (i.e., red ink) or highlighting reinforces the memory and significance of the upcoming event.

Children usually get to request what they would like to do on “date” nights.  However, you (as the parent) must retain veto authority.  Thus, if Jill wants to go to a fine dining restaurant, that is probably not age-appropriate, so you will need to counter-offer a different restaurant.

The most important aspect of “date” night, after all, is not where they eat or what they do, it’s that you are with them . . . just them . . . and they know that you know them, really know them, and love them for it.