100 Tips for Nannies and Families

Your babysitter accidentally spilled something on your new sofa.  Or she broke a valuable vase.  She apologized and was sincerely sorry.

But what if she was involved in a more upsetting indiscretion?  She invited her boyfriend over while she was watching your kids, when your policy clearly prohibits this.  Or she smoked in front of your children, which violates your healthy living values.  Or she let your young children bike unsupervised in the road, while she was inside chatting on the phone.

When you caught her, she said she was sorry, but, in these situations, is an apology enough?

Hiring a babysitter involves a lot of trust.  As the parent, you need to feel comfortable that she’s following your rules, instilling your values and focusing all of her energy on caring for your children.  And when she violates this trust, is an apology good enough?  Or do you need to find a more responsible babysitter?

I’m a big fan of open communication between parents and caregivers, and I believe it’s important to be clear from the beginning about your rules.  It’s totally valid to prohibit your babysitter from having guests over, smoking or talking on the phone for hours (unless your kids are sleeping).  Her job is to watch your children and keep them safe, so if you find out that your four-year-old was out biking in the road while the babysitter was inside for an hour, it’s time to find a new caregiver.

It’s up to you, as the parents, to decide which behaviors are forgivable.  If she broke your vase, it was clearly an accident.  But if she broke your trust, an apology probably won’t be enough.

Once parents find a great, reliable, experienced, compassionate babysitter, they will go to great lengths to keep her (or him) happy.  They’ll pay her on time, stock her favorite foods, thank her profusely…but should they be tipping her as well?

Today, most babysitters are paid a pretty competitive hourly wage -more than I was earning back in my babysitting days! - but they’re also responsible for our most valuable commodities - our kids!  We sincerely appreciate all that our babysitters do for us, so should we show our gratitude with tips and bonuses?  And, if so, when and how do we do it?

There are no set rules or guidelines, but here are a few suggestions:

• Consider a tip or bonus for a Christmas/Chanukah gift - and as a thank you for all their hard work throughout the year.
• Tip your sitter if she went “above and beyond” for you - she stayed late so you could attend a last-minute meeting or watched your kids while you went on an overnight trip.
• Pay a bit extra on big holidays - like when your sitter watches your kids on New Year’s Eve.  (Keep her happy so she’ll be willing to watch them on Valentine’s Day, too!)
• As a lovely surprise - Sometimes a tip or financial bonus is most meaningful when it comes out of the blue.  Try tipping your sitter on a random Wednesday and thank her for taking such wonderful care of your family.

Remember that episode of Friends when Rachel hires a male babysitter for baby Emma, and Ross is stunned by her decision? 

When most people think of babysitters, they usually think of females, who are considered to be caring, nurturing and, well, maternal.  But many guys thrive in caretaking roles - as teachers, coaches, mentors and babysitters.

 If you’re looking to hire a babysitter, consider what qualities are most important to you.  For instance:

•  If you’re a single mother, you might want to hire a male babysitter to serve as a consistent and positive male role model.
• If your children are athletic and interested in sports, consider a babysitter who shares those same interests.  Your football-obsessed young son might enjoy having a male babysitter who is (or was) on the high school football team.
• If you have daughters who are into princesses and fairy tales, a male babysitter might not be the best choice for them - or they might enjoy having a “prince” to join their princess games.  (I know plenty of dads, uncles and other men who patiently have tea parties or get their hair styled by the little ladies in their lives.)

There are many things to consider that are clearly more important than your babysitter’s gender.  Are they kind to your children?  Do you trust them?  Do they have excellent experience and references?  Are they smart and responsible?  Do your kids like them?  Will they do the things your children enjoy - whether that’s building forts, playing tag or doing craft projects? If so, hire them - regardless of their gender.

Planning and throwing your child’s birthday party should be fun, but it often feels like another time-consuming, stressful thing on your “to do” list. Put the “festive” back into the festivities with the following tips:

• Keep it simple.  Your child won’t care if there are elaborate decorations, or a meticulously thought out menu.  He just wants to have fun.
• Get some help.  Many parents get overwhelmed trying to do it all themselves.  If your father-in-law is artistic, ask him to make the invitations.  If your sister is a great baker, put her in charge of the cake.  Consider hiring someone to entertain the kids, run the games or clean your house pre- and post-party. 
• Ask for your child’s input.  Before you start planning, get your child’s opinion. Even young children enjoy a trip to the party store to choose between Elmo and Thomas the Train plates. My kids love to browse through party catalogues to choose a few special things for their party.
• Keep it manageable.  Instead of inviting your son’s entire first grade class (27 kids - can you imagine?), suggest that he invite his two or three favorite friends to do something special, like going bowling and out for pizza.  Likewise, don’t feel like you have to invite all of his school friends, neighborhood friends, cousins and so forth.  Chances are, it will be overwhelming for him - and for you!
• Don’t plan too much.  It’s great to have a few ideas for games, crafts or other activities, but there’s no need to schedule a ton of different activities. 
• But do have a “back up plan”.  It’s smart to have a few extra crafts or games in mind, just in case the kids seem bored.  Musical chairs is fun for all ages, a dance party is an easy, enjoyable activity, and younger kids would probably love a few stories.
• Have a set “end time” and a friendly way of ushering people out the door. 

Remember, the birthday party should be a celebration of your child, not an elaborate affair.  Keep it simple and you’ll all have a great time.

We all know that it takes a village to raise a child, and we’re (mostly) happy to help out our fellow parents on occasion, with the understanding that they’ll return the favor when we need help.  But what happens when your friend, sister, neighbor or fellow elementary school mom starts taking advantage of your good nature, dropping off her kids at your house while she runs errands, goes to the gym or gets a manicure?  (I know.  It’s SO INFURIATING!)

• Explain your feelings.  Perhaps she doesn’t realize that she’s taking advantage of you.  She may think that as a stay-at-home-mom, you’re “home anyway,” but not realize that you have stuff to do - and watching her adorable little munchkins distracts you from your busy agenda.  (Or she may think that since “you have a babysitter anyway,” she can drop off her kids and your sitter will watch them for free.)
• Offer a “kid swap” - You scratch her back, she should scratch yours.  Propose a kid swap where, say, you take turns watching each others’ kids every Wednesday afternoon.
• Offer a solution.  Give her the name of a reliable babysitting service and suggest she hire someone to watch her children, as your schedule won’t permit you to continue to do so.
• Have an excuse ready.  If she still doesn’t get the hint, have an excuse ready when her kids show up at your doorstep.  “Gee, I’d love to have you stay here today, but I have to run errands/paint my attic/reorganize my closet and I just won’t be able to do it today.  Sorry.”  And shut the door!

 How do you deal with parents who regularly “dump” their kids on you?

In today’s tech-obsessed society, everyone’s constantly accessible, calling and texting from their cell phones from wherever they are.  But what if it’s your babysitter that’s texting (or making calls from her cell phone) while watching your kids?  Are you OK with that?

Many parents are divided on the issue.  Some think it’s an outrage - if you’re paying a babysitter to work, they should be watching your kids - not watching for the next incoming text message.

And other parents think it’s no big deal, especially if the kids are napping or otherwise engaged in an activity.

 Consider the following:

• If your sitter is sending an occasional text (such as making plans to meet a friend after work) or maintaining a constant stream of e-chatter all day long?
• Is she so involved in her iPhone that she’s not keeping an eye on - or playing with - your children?
• Is she texting while she’s at home with the kids, keeping an eye on them while they’re playing in a childproofed room?  Or is she distracted while at the park, where they could fall off the jungle gym or wander off towards the street?
• Is she great in every other way?  Or is this just one more complaint on your list?

 If the answers to these questions bother you, perhaps it’s time to rethink your childcare options.

 What’s your opinion in the texting debate?

Parenting requires a considerable amount of “on-the-job training,” and most of us feel like we’re learning every day.  We all make mistakes - we’re human, after all - but when we strive to improve our parenting skills, our children benefit.  Here are (just a few) mistakes that parents often make:

•  Giving In - It can be HARD to follow through when it comes to discipline, but it’s so important.  If you ground your child for a week because he broke a certain rule, stick to it - don’t let him go play with his friends later that day.  Parents need to make sure their kids understand rules, expectations and consequences.  Sure, it would be easier to NOT deal with the crayon drawings on the wall (or other infraction of the rules) - no one likes to reprimand a child for poor behavior!   But if you’re clear about the rules - and consequences - your child will quickly learn the difference between right and wrong…and he’ll (ultimately) respect you for teaching him important life lessons.
• Giving Too Much - These days, we give our kids a lot of “stuff” - which leads to them wanting more.  When they’re already overloaded with toys, a new one won’t seem special.  Try giving experiences as treats, rewards or to celebrate special occasions.  If your daughter comes home with a stellar report card, take her for a special bike ride or a walk in the park.  Experiences with you are far more valuable than the latest toy.
• Overscheduling Your Kids - Extracurricular activities are wonderful and teach your children important skills, but overscheduling them can backfire.  If you’re constantly schlepping them from Girl Scouts to dance recitals to piano practice, they don’t have enough downtime to just…play.   Give your kids time to use their imagination.  They don’t have to be “scheduled” every moment of every day.
• Not Asking Questions - Learn more about your child - and constantly improve your relationship with her - by asking questions about her day, her friends and what happened at school.  Make sure she knows she can  tell you - or ask you - anything.
• Disrespecting your children - Model all the behaviors that you demand of them.  Be nice, use your words when you’re upset, don’t yell or call them names and use good manners.

What’s the biggest parenting mistake that you’ve made - or that you’ve seen in others?

It can happen anywhere - at the mall, an amusement park, school field trip or even the grocery store.  You turn your head for a moment and suddenly your child has disappeared, leaving you panic-stricken.

 And it can happen to anyone.  Curious children often wander away, investigating a ride at the park, checking out the puppies at the mall’s pet store or searching for candy at the supermarket.

The moment that a parent realizes their child is gone, they get a sinking feeling in the pit of their stomach and their blood turns ice cold.   They scream their child’s name, ask the closest store or park employee to alert their staff and call the police, fearing the worst-case-scenario.

Now, many companies are making great products that focus on kids’ safety.   One of my favorite finds is the Safety Tat (www.safetytat.com), a colorful temporary safety tattoo that can be customized with the child’s name, parents’ names, parents’ cell phone numbers or other key information.  The Safety Tat can give parents peace of mind knowing that if their child gets separated from them, a police officer or store staff member can quickly and easily re-connect the missing child with his or her parents.

Have you found any other great safety products that make you feel more secure when bringing your children out in crowded locations?

National Nanny Recognition Week is September 20-26^th, and is a great time to acknowledge your nanny for all she (or he) does for your family.  During this week, families are encouraged to focus on the positive aspects of the nanny profession, including the important role nannies play in families’ lives, and the wonderful contribution they make in the lives of the children they care for.

 Parents can recognize their nannies in a number of ways, including:

•  Write a heartfelt note about how much they mean to your family, how much you trust and appreciate them and how much your kids love them.
• Have your kids draw them a picture, write them a note or make them a gift.
• Invite them to join you for a special celebratory family dinner.
• Give them a gift certificate for a manicure or other spa treatment and encourage them to relax.
• Give them a gift certificate to a favorite bookstore or restaurant.
• Put together a basket of their favorite treats - coffee, tea, chocolate, fancy jams, a new book, a journal, etc.
• Send them flowers with a sweet note attached.
• Take them out for a special breakfast, lunch or dinner.
• Give them a financial bonus if you are able to do so.
• Thank them sincerely for all that they do for your family.

There are many ways to show your appreciation.  What have you done to show your gratitude to your nanny?

It’s inevitable.  You’ve got a huge deadline at work and your child wakes up sick. You really can’t miss the whole day of work - but your kid is clearly too ill to go to school or daycare.   What do you do?

•  Hire a sitter - through a service like Care4Hire - who can care for your child on short notice.  Care4hire has made it easy for families to search for sitters by “short notice”.
• Leave the sitter with emergency contact numbers, ginger ale, Jell-O and other “sick kid necessities.”
• Provide instructions on any special equipment (e.g., Nebulizer, inhaler, etc.) that your child may need.
• Be clear about medicines needed, dosages and times.
• Work from home, if possible.
• See if your husband can stay home with the kids while you go into the office.
• Split the day with your husband, with each of you going into the office for a few hours and tending to your sick child for a few hours.
• Use one of your sick days to care for your child.

Do you have any other tried-and-true solutions to this common problem?